God designed marriage to meet the first problem of the human race: loneliness (Genesis 2:18-22). Adam was alone and God said that this was "not good." God created a woman who would join together with the man and by God’s design; they are spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically exactly suited to each other.
Marriage begins with a need, a need for companionship or friendship and completion. Marriage was designed to relieve the fundamental loneliness that people experience. One good definition of love is meeting your spouse’s needs. To the degree that you don't meet each other's needs, the two of you are still alone. In many broken marriage relationships today, the husband works to get his needs met by control and the wife works to get her needs met by manipulation. This approach keeps us alone.
Husbands, meeting your wife’s needs is part of God’s call to “cleave” or “pursue” her. Wives, respecting your husband with how you treat him everyday meets a deep need in him.
While meeting your mate’s needs is the call to both husbands and wives, I want to help men tune in to the needs of their wives. Here are some of her key needs:
- She needs you to be the spiritual leader of your home (One woman I know says her husband “is the most sexy when he is reading the Bible.”)
- She needs you to be her partner in raising the kids and caring for the home.
- She needs you to pursue her.
- She needs you to communicate with her.
- She needs her friends.
- She needs you to encourage, affirm and love her.
- She needs emotional fulfillment.
- She needs you to understand and empathize. She needs a shoulder more than a mouth. More than a solution, she needs you to listen.
- She doesn’t need a newer car or bigger house but she does need the assurance that together we can face the best and worse hand in hand.
As Christ came to serve and give his life for us, so let us serve one another in our marriages. This becomes very practical… just meet the need before you.