Men Who Love: Biblical Marriage (Part 2)

The book of Ephesians speaks very powerfully to three areas of our life: marriage, parenting and jobs/career (see Eph 5:22-6:9).

Ephesians 5:33 states "…let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Paul speaks on marriage and uses the illustration of Jesus and the Church. Men are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church. What does that look like? Jesus laid down his life for his bride. As men and women, we want to preserve our lives, but in marriage we give up our lives for our spouse. Jesus gave up his life for you.

HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES

Paul refers to the original instructions regarding marriage that are found in Genesis. These 24 words that are the key: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph. 5:31). There are three elements here:

1. Leave
2. Cleave ("hold fast")
3. Become one

Paul calls for men to love their wife and for wives to respect your husbands (v. 33 is drawn from Gen. 2:24).

Paul tells the men to do three things. First is to LEAVE. Leave anything that does not contribute to your oneness. Second, men are to "CLEAVE" (King James Version). This means the husbands are to aggressively cleave to or pursue your wife. This is what it means to love her. It is about a commitment. As you do commit to one another, you BECOME ONE. Commitment allows love to be sustained. You behave your way into feelings; you don’t feel your way into behavior.

Ephesians and Genesis place the bulk of marriage responsibility on men. It is the husband who takes the responsibility of leadership in a good marriage. The husband’s great priority is to love and lead his wife. Many men are afraid to lead. They’ve not been trained and they easily err toward passivity, abdication or domination.

Practical steps in "cleaving" or loving

In marriage, there are many ways for a man to love his wife. Here are some practical ways for a man to genuinely express love his wife. Here are some suggestions:

• Affection Hold her and accept her. Pursue her and surprise her with a gift. You may want to express public affection. Put her first and remember the little things! (Yes, they matter!)
• Connection through communication Be attentive when she talks to you and look at her. Smile when you talk and answer her questions. Treat her as an equal. Be sure to listen and don’t instinctively try to "fix" her problem. Call her and tell her when you’re going to be late, laugh together and pursue her!
• Honesty Enough said.
• Openness Share your life with her. Value her and be open to share your feelings.
• Financial support As a leader in the home, you are to provide for her well-being.
• Family commitment She appreciates your involvement with the children. Help her around the house. This goes a long way in showing her how much you love her!

Men, it’s time to rise up and follow Christ’s example in your marriage. Lay down your life and pursue your wife!

Marriage Problems? Biblical Marriage (Part 1)

In Strike The Original Match, Chuck Swindoll relates this humorous story:

“Four-year-old Suzie had just been told the story of Snow White for the first time in her life. She could hardly wait to get home from nursery school to tell her mommy. After relating how Prince Charming had arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, Suzie asked loudly, ‘And do you know what happened then?’

‘Yes,’ said her mom, ‘They lived happily ever after.’

‘No,’ responded Suzie with a frown, ‘They got married.’

Getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous.”

Marriages today often reveal the struggles that can arise as two people commit to love each other and live life together. In Bill McCartney’s autobiography, Sold Out, the former Colorado football coach wrote about his lifetime of failings, especially in his marriage. “Tucked away in the folds of my life are countless episodes that could strip away the mystique and pretense of what some think of me.” He calls himself a “highly flawed, ordinary man who has made it through only with the help of an extraordinary God.”

Sold Out is presented as Bill McCartney’s story, but the book also contains nine sections written by Lyndi, his wife. They provide a good window into Bill’s spiritual journey. Lyndi reveals the monumental price she paid as McCartney’s “trophy wife,” a woman who for years stood on the sidelines while McCartney coached Colorado’s football team to a national championship. Her comments help underscore what brought their never-great marriage to a crisis in 1993, when Lyndi says she found herself in “an emotional deep-freeze.”

That year began in soap-opera fashion when, on New Year’s Day, Bill came clean to Lyndi about an affair he had had with another woman two decades earlier in their marriage. That confession, which the McCartneys chose not to put in the book but was reported by the New York Times, left Lyndi devastated. At the time, Bill was at the pinnacle of his coaching career. In a manner typical of the way he operated at the time, he confessed his adultery just moments before walking out the door to coach the Fiesta Bowl game.

In the months that followed, Lyndi’s emotional and physical health reached the breaking point. To cope, she rarely left the bedroom of their home. She contemplated taking her own life. For more than seven months she vomited every day, losing 80 pounds. Bill, busy with football and with managing the Promise Keepers movement, remained oblivious. While Lyndi had no intention of leaving her marriage, she says she began building “emotional siege walls” between herself and her husband.

“The Lord was the only one I felt I could trust.” Lyndi claims she wasn’t bothered by Bill’s lack of attention during their 30-year marriage “most of the time.” She stayed reasonably happy with her responsibilities as a mother “most of the time.” But she admits they lived separate lives. As her husband soared to the pinnacle of his career, “I just felt like I was getting smaller and smaller.”

God used two events to turn McCartney around. One was a Promise Keepers rally where men were told to write down the number their wives would give their marriages if rating them on a scale of one to ten. Bill rated their marriage a six. The second event was in the fall of 1994, when a guest speaker at their church stated, “If you want to know about a man’s character, then look into the face of his wife. Whatever he has invested in or withheld from her will be reflected in her countenance.” Bill literally turned to face his wife and saw in his wife’s haunted, empty eyes his own sinful neglect staring back at him. “Escorting my wounded wife out to the church parking lot, I began to pray about the timing of my resignation from the University of Colorado.”

Whether you find yourself in a struggling marriage, know somebody who is having marriage trouble, are enjoying your own marriage or are just wondering about marriages today, let’s start with some good news. God created marriage! He did this so men and women would come alongside one another and partner together. Since God also created us, He has also given us the Bible that instructs us how to live life according to His creative design. I want to explore what a Biblical marriage relationship looks like in my upcoming blogs. I believe God’s truth can bring healthy life into marriages. As scripture states, “Marriage should be honored by all” (Heb. 13:4).

Baptism in the Holy Spirit: Biblical Salvation (Part 6)

From the very beginning of the Christian life, the Holy Spirit is at work in the believer. Christians are ‘born again’ by the Holy Spirit. However, Jesus promised the disciples that they would receive a dynamic power to witness for Him when the Holy Spirit came upon them (Acts 1:4-8).

Acts 2: 38-39 makes it clear that the Spirit is for us today and applies to us.

When Paul met ‘disciples’ at Ephesus (see Acts 19:1-7), he sensed something was lacking and asked them a very basic question, “Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?” He knew that there was a receiving of the gift of the Holy Spirit that every believer was entitled to have. However not every believer had this automatically. He expected them to know whether they had been filled with the Holy Spirit or not. The baptism in the Spirit is a definite experience (Acts 2:1-4; Acts 10:44-48; Acts 8:12-17; Acts 19:1-7).

Jesus is the one who baptizes his followers in the Holy Spirit (John 1:29-33). In John 7:37-39, Jesus gives us simple steps to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

• If anyone is thirsty – This is a deep longing for God to meet you in this way. This desire is essential for receiving the Holy Spirit. If you are not thirsty, ask God “Why”!
• Come to me – Go to Jesus and ask. God gives to those who ask (Luke 11:13).
• Drink – Drinking is an act of faith. Lay hold of the blessing and be ready to receive.
• Faith – Jesus says the Spirit will be active in the one who believes in him. Faith plays an important role. When you come to Jesus, resist the temptation to passively wait for something to happen.
• Laying on of hands – This is a ministry to help you receive. It is biblical (Acts 8:17; 9:17; 19:6) and a channel of faith for imparting the Spirit.
  

We are called to restore the fullness of God’s salvation as revealed in scripture. The baptism of the Holy Spirit is an important part of our new life in Christ. It is God’s desire to have a Spirit-empowered people who are his witnesses of the good news of the kingdom. One of our key values in Newfrontiers is to be “A church whose people are baptized in water and in the Holy Spirit, and brought into a genuine life in the Spirit.” Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?

Baptism in Water: Biblical Salvation (Part 5)

Water baptism has been a part of the life of the Christian faith since the days of Jesus Christ’s ministry. After Jesus’ resurrection, He told His followers to go all over the world with the gospel and to be sure to baptize His disciples. Attending a church service with a baptism is a highlight moment in my life. The Bible tells us how baptism is to be practiced and what it really means.

It is For Believers

Baptism in Scripture always follows repentance and faith (Mark 16:16; Acts 2:38). It was after a person became a disciple that they were to be baptized (Matt. 28:19). In all the Acts incidents of baptism you will find the order is never reversed. Read the salvation story of the Philippian jailer’s family (Acts 16:31-34) and note that repentance and faith preceded baptism.

There is no age limit for baptism found in the scriptures. If someone is old enough to understand the gospel and believe, they can be saved and baptized!

It is by Immersion

The Greek word for “baptize” means “to dip; to immerse; to submerge.” New Testament believers were, therefore, immersed in water. So John needed plenty of water to do the job (John 3:23). Immersion is confirmed by the description of Jesus’ baptism (Mark 1:10). Immersion can also be implied with the baptisms of Philip and the eunuch (Acts 8: 38-39).

What Does it Mean?

The moment you became a Christian, your life was linked with Jesus Christ. You were baptized (immersed) into Him and what happened to Him happened to you as well. You died with Him to your life of sin and to its power over you. And you rose with Him to a brand new life! When you are baptized you are identifying with Him (Romans 6:3-7).

When you go down into the water, you are saying, “Lord Jesus, You died on the cross for me. From now on, my old life is dead. I’ve broken with sin.”

When you are under the water you are saying, “Just as You were buried in the tomb, Lord, so my old sinful life is now buried in the water. This baptism is my funeral.”

When you are lifted out of the water, you are saying, “Lord, You were raised from the dead by God’s power and by that power I can live a totally new life.” Matthew 28: 19-20; Acts 10:48

Water baptism is a first step of obedience to Christ. It is a key time to declare that the kingdom of God has come upon a new life! Let’s celebrate!

Faith: Biblical Salvation (Part 4)

We Begin in Faith

Faith is the basis for our relationship with God from the beginning. “Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exist and that He rewards those that seek Him” (Hebrews 11:6). Faith actually comes from accepting what God says in the Bible. Paul wrote, “faith comes from hearing and hearing through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17).

Scripture makes it clear we are saved when we believe what God has said about Jesus Christ His Son (John 3:16, Mark 16:16).

• We BELIEVE that Jesus is the Son of God sent by the Father as the only way of salvation (Acts 4:12).
• We TRUST wholly and only in Jesus and His death on the cross to save us from our sins (Romans 3:22-24).
• We CONFESS that Jesus is alive and is the Lord of our lives (Romans 10:9-10).
• We RECEIVE from God the gift of eternal life (John 3:36).

We are Justified by Faith

Justification is a picture from the law courts. A person is justified if they are declared legally innocent for a crime they were once pronounced guilty of committing. We WERE guilty of our sins before the court of a holy God. However, Jesus bore the punishment due to us. My sins have been PAID FOR and are therefore legally removed. I can be righteous (that is “in right standing”) with a holy God.

This is the gospel God has announced and my faith in this message means I can be justified. Faith in Jesus is the ONLY WAY I can be justified (Romans 3:21-26; 5:6-11).

We Walk by Faith

The Christian life is a life of faith. Abraham is a clear example of a life marked by faith (Romans 4:13-21). He heard the word of God and believed what God had promised him (v.13, 21). He did not consider his own abilities as the determining factor but embraced the hope expressed in God’s promise (v.18-19). He gave glory to God out of his faith in God, even before he saw the full accomplishment of the promise (v.20-21).

As Christians we are to live with a full confidence in God and the reality of our salvation in Christ. We believe that the gospel of Christ is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes (Romans 1:16).

Repentance: Biblical Salvation (Part 3)

As we look to recover the Biblical theology and practice of salvation, one discovers all too often there is something missing in our Christian culture and practice: repentance. Repentance was clearly a part of receiving the gospel in the early church. To repent means “to turn away from” or “to return to”. To repent means you realize that you are going away from God, so you do a complete “about turn” towards God. Acts 17:30 states that the Lord “now commands all people everywhere to repent.”

To repent is to recognize that God is wholly right and we are wholly wrong. It is the realization that we need a change of mind and a change of heart as well as a change of direction (Romans 3:23 and Isaiah 55:8-9). Tim Keller defines repentance as “an inward change leading to the fruit of new behavior.”

To repent is a practical step. It involves zeal and action (2 Corinthians 7:10-11). This means when I repent, I stop doing ungodly things and start doing godly things. We are told to produce fruit in keeping with repentance (Luke 3:8). Repentance results in a change of behavior. In the Bible, when people repented they got rid of idols, burned occult books, paid back money they had stolen and so on. See Luke 3:10-14 for more examples of changes that resulted from repentance.

Repentance is not just something you do one time at the beginning of your Christian life. Second Corinthians 7:10-11 refers to Christians who were needing to repent of things they had done wrong. Repentance is part of our process of becoming like Christ. The good news is that God promises forgiveness and restoration to all who truly repent.

Four Key Elements: Biblical Salvation (Part 2)

What takes place when someone finally responds to the gospel? Do we ask for people to come forward and “pray a prayer” in a meeting? What response do we see people make to the gospel in the New Testament? We must reclaim not only the correct doctrine of salvation, we must also restore the experience of salvation as revealed in scripture.

The Gospel According to Peter

Speaking the first message following the resurrection of Jesus, Peter preaches about Jesus and God’s ageless plan (Acts 2:36-41). The people listening ask, “What shall we do? He gives the answer in verse 38: “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

Peter’s answer to the crowd includes four key elements:

1. REPENTANCE: Turn away from what you’ve done wrong.
2. FAITH: Believe in Jesus for forgiveness of sins.
3. WATER BAPTISM: Be baptized in water to show you have faith in Jesus.
4. BAPTISM IN THE SPIRIT: Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

The Book of Acts

Throughout the book of Acts these four elements are always there. Here are a few examples…

Acts 8: 9-17 - Samaria

1. The people turn from following an occult magician (v.9-13) – Repentance
2. The people believed in Jesus (v.12) – Faith
3. The people were baptized in water (v.12) – Baptism in Water
4. The people received the gift of the Holy Spirit (v.15,17) – Baptism in the Spirit.

Acts 9: 17-18 – Paul’s Conversion

Paul repented (turned from) his old evil ways and believed in Jesus (v.1-6). Here he is filled with the Holy Spirit and baptized in water.

Acts 19:1-7 - Ephesus

This is the start of the church in the city of Ephesus. When Paul visits the city, he finds some God-fearing people but is concerned that something is missing. He asked them, “Have you received the Holy Spirit since you believed?” (v.2). Paul explains Jesus to these disciples of John. They evidently believed and are baptized as a result of believing in Jesus (vs. 4-5). Their baptism with Paul was not actually them being “re-baptized” as Christians since their first baptism was John the Baptist’s baptism and did not involve faith in Jesus for forgiveness of sin. After their water baptism, Paul laid hands upon them to receive the Holy Spirit and they were filled and spoke with tongues (v.6).

The salvation experience of the early church was a rich encounter as people responded to the gospel with an active faith! May we seek for the people we meet in our communities to undergo this great salvation experience themselves.